Rise and shine, motherfucker. It’s a new day. How was that hour and a half of sleep you got? Was it enough? What do you care anyway? As far as you’re concerned you’re the man of this town. Take a fucking shower though, you smell like shit. You tell her to stay in bed while you go clean yourself, you’ll walk her back to her dorm. You are a gentleman after all. Class is in 15 minutes. Wipe that smile off your face, it’s business time. The walk back to her dorm is a good one. It might be cold but just by holding her hand you can warm both of your body’s up. This is what you wanted anyway, someone who will potentially be your girlfriend. She might be the one to end your drought of singleness. It’s only been a day but now you comes the hard part. You have to get to know her.
You spend your day exchanging texts back and forth with her. Things seem a bit surreal. That’s because they are. The last message you get from her says, “I wish you would have met me earlier”. Don’t spend too much time thinking about it. As a matter of fact, spend all the time you want. What could she mean by that? It’s only the third week of school. It’s not like it’s the last day and suddenly you both are leaving. What the fuck could she possibly be getting at?
Flashback. Remember when you got back from uploading the pictures at Dan Fig’s apartment? Good. Her friend was in the room, granted it was a female but pay attention more. She had a web cam chat going on. The person she was chatting with was no girl. Now think harder. You might have been too busy thinking you were the man but she did say her friend was coming up to visit her. Are any bells ringing yet? Brush it off. If that is her boyfriend that she said she didn’t have than she just cheated on him with you. But if it is a guy she was talking to before you met her than you got to her first. No one is a threat to you. Not at this stage at least. You had her. Remember that always.
Your last class gets out and you and your boys make the tedious tread back to College Avenue. Surprise, surprise, cowboy. Guess who it is? Yup, the girl of your dreams and her “friend” who is here to visit. Look him up and down. Judge him. He has nothing on you. He’s just some scene kid who hasn’t got a hint yet. Scene was two years ago. You are ahead of the game. You always have been. You ask her what she’s up to. Eating. Everything starts with some food. That’s how you scored and now he’s playing your same moves, that sneaky motherfucker. Whatever at this point he still is no problem to you. Just wait until his visit ends and she’s yours again. He is only a friend, right?
Fast forward to Tuesday. This happens once a semester, Turbo Fucking Tuesday. Have fun at your brother’s frat house. It might be the last night you can escape any type of reality. It’s packed. Thirty minutes have gone by and you’re already fucked up behind imagination. That’s the point. Mission accomplished. Try to socialize in your drunken stuper. Let your brother know of your triumphs. Live like a king. It’s getting late though; you might want to start heading back. Should you make a drunken phone call to her? Give it a shot. Wait, don’t. It’s her friend’s last day here. You don’t want to interrupt anything that they could be doing. Don’t regret not doing anything. Keep telling yourself that you had her. You fucking had her.
Keep your eyes open, even though you’re at the halfway point you still aren’t home. Light another cigarette. With the way you drank today you feel like a god. It’s getting close to 2 AM though, you might want to sleep in your own bed tonight. You have work in the morning. Get your shit straight. Don’t be a fuck up. Time to make the awful, intoxicated walk back home. You check your phone on your way back, still know messages or missed calls. What the fuck could they be doing? “Nothing”, you whisper out loud. She’s a good girl; they are doing nothing. But listen up. Don’t hold it against her if they did. You aren’t her boyfriend.
The alarm screams. Holy shit, you have work to get to. Granted that it is only an hour, you do not want to be awake for this shit. You are hung over. You want to be in bed. Get up anyway. Grab the iPod, put on some sweet tunes and just walk. It’s early, no one else is awake but that goddamn volleyball team is. Keep on keeping on though. You don’t want to be late for work. You walk by the dining hall and speak of the god damn devil, you see the volleyball team running outside. Where could they possibly be heading? Wait a second, where is she at for the most part? Did her friend even leave? These are the questions you’ll consider later. As of now go about your own business.
Skip art history. Something isn’t right. Come to think about it. Ever since Sunday, this entire week leading up to today hasn’t felt right. Are you still dreaming? You never get sex that late, it had to have been a dream. What the fuck is going on now? Are you even awake right now? Call her up, you want to see her. He’s gone, she can go back to being yours again. She says you can sit with her and her friends and the dining hall. Take advantage.
You slip inside and there she is an in instant. She looks tired. Did she even go to practice? Keep walking, ask questions later. You get down the ramp as smoothly as possible. Thank God you didn’t trip. Thank God you never trip. Just keep waking by. Grab some food and head over to her. Place that fucking tray down and take a fucking seat boy. Haha Now you can start kicking yourself. Look at her, man. She is a fucking mess. Look at that goddamn neck. It is time to piece things together, fag. You never left hickies on her neck. You made the choice not to. You didn’t want to be the topic of discussion amongst the volleyball team, but her friend sure did. You might feel uncomfortable, but quick look around and find someone you know. Fuck yeah it’s Ron. You talk to him about last night’s shit show. Delay yourself, now head back.
“Is he like a friend with benefits”, one of the volleybitches asks. What the hell? Do these girls even know that I’m there? Forget that, do they even know that she and I got our dirty on? Whatever man. Dan Fig told you that there had to be some crazy about her for her to have given you a chance in hell. Now you know what it fucking is. You aren’t even hungry anymore. You are fucking sick to your stomach. What the fuck? How could she do this? You were used, bro. You were fucking used. This is college, get over it.
This can’t be happening. No way. You were almost sure that she was yours. She was in the palm of your hand. Talk to your friends about it. It’s the same shit they say all the time. On second though, don’t talk to your friends about it. They mean well but you are too far gone to take their advice. Get to the source yourself. Talk to her. She’ll be able to explain it best.
“I saw the hickies, you don’t need to hide anything from me. You should have told me something was going on”. Send. Wait a few minutes. No one can ignore a blunt text message like that. Nothing. “I like you, if there is something going on with someone else just tell me now”. Send. Wait for it. Wait for it. Your leg vibrates; grab that fucking phone. “As of last night, he and I are dating. I’m sorry”. Your eyes widen and your heart sinks. Are you serious? Now you know what she fucking meant, now you know what she fucking meant. You should have met her earlier you idiot. He wouldn’t have come down and she would have been your girl. Yours. No one else’s. Don’t regret anything though. You can’t. You at least know what it feels like to have been with her. And even though it was only for a moment, you were happy.
“We can still talk and hang out and stuff”. Sweet text message from girl you’ve been in. This might be a blessing in disguise though. Take it. Don’t fuck this up like you’ve done in the past. Remember the other girl on the volleyball team you hooked up with last year? Yeah, the one that pretends that you don’t even exist. She still wanted to talk and hang out and you refused you selfish bastard. Don’t let history repeat itself. Maybe she’ll change her mind. Think back again. She did tell you that she hated long distant relationships. Keep her close. Things usually work out for you in the end.
It’s Thirsty Thursday now. This is your opportunity to forget about what just happened. Drink up baby. Let that alcohol consume your veins. Deep down inside you still want to be with her though. Fuck it. Grab your phone and asks if she wants to hang out. She’s at a friend’s house but tell her you’ll pick her up anyway. Go for it. At this point you almost have nothing to lose. You’re golden. You got this. Bam. She agrees to come over. Go get that, champ.
You pick her up. Walking back to your friend’s house is a long one. You get to here her moan and complain. And you realize again why you like her. She is the cutest thing in the world when she’s complaining. You get back to the house and grab a beer. Let her eat. This is your alone time, this is your chance to get the monkey off your back. But find a way to make the situation awkward; make a joke about infidelity. Funny thing is, that totally just worked.
She reassures your thoughts. She tells you that if you met her a week earlier, she would have told her “boyfriend” to cancel the trip. She tells you that this week would have played out a lot different. Fuck man. She would have been yours. Keep on listening. She tells you that she’s sorry and that she didn’t think that they would end up dating. She’s feeding you lines, man. But you are forced to believe them. She says that it might not even work out with him and her. She says the distance is fucked. The relationship was planned for the future. When she goes back home because they live close. She tells you everything you want to hear. This can’t be true. This is why it still feels like a fucking dream.
The talk was what you needed. It was good. Now go out on the porch for a cigarette. She still is the fucking cutest thing you’ve seen. She takes a seat and you light your stoge up. Smoke that shit because you are some what relieved now. She tells you to sit. You do what she says. Sitting on a girl’s lap is very playful. It is very innocent. “Relax”, you say to yourself. She puts her arms around your waist. What is she doing? You don’t care. You know she still likes you. You know she wants you. You suggest to go back to your place and watch a movie. She says she wants to see her friends who live around the corner. Give her what she wants. She’s not yours.
She comes back and tells you that she is going to hang out at her friend’s house and that she might spend the night. Her friend is a guy. Is this girl a complete whore? Make jokes to find out. She goes inside to take a piss and you follow. You need to piss just as bad but wait for it. She washes her hands and you go in. Try to piss, just try it. I bet you can’t. See, you can’t. Just as your trying, she puts her arms around you. What is her fucking problem? She can’t be with you but she is acting like she is. No girl has held you like this. Not since your ex. Just go with it. As the night closes to an end, Dan Moore asks you what the fuck you’re doing. Reassure him that you have this all under control. It may be half the truth, but you kind of have a perspective on what’s going on. The night ends and you’re alone. Again.
This particular Friday is strange. There seems to be no one around, and it feels like you’re missing out on something. It’s still free transit week and you have yet to take advantage. This might be your time. Congregate with your friends. They all agree though. Today doesn’t feel right at all. You need to get out. You have a gut feeling that something isn’t right. She’s headed to New York City. Don’t follow her though. Go on your own time. The campus is empty. There is no one around. You need to get the fuck out. You need to find an escape. Dan Fig is going through some shit as well. Have him come with you. This is your only shot at some relief.
The train ride to New York city is an exciting one. Your stomach has butterflies for no reason, but something is bound to happen. This is good. You’ve called up a friend in the city and you tell her that you’ll meet her at your place. You haven’t seen her in a while so this will be good for you. You and Dan Fig reach the city and your first priority is to meet up with your friend. Ah, Chelsea it has been a long time. Well a month if you want to be exact.
Chelsea is that girl you had a crush on since you first met her. You don’t think she knows but it’s pretty obvious. She has a boyfriend though. You laugh to yourself. All the girls you’ve liked happen to have boyfriends. Nice hand you got there, tiger. But seeing her again is good. It’s what you need. You, Dan Fig and Chelsea shoot the shit. You keep repeating how something is supposed to happen, and that you want to do something spontaneous; maybe a piercing, maybe a tattoo. Whatever it is, something needs to happen. The three of you get up and walk around the city. St. Mark’s. Hopefully you don’t see someone you know there.
This is your time to think. Tattoo? Yes, no? Make a choice and that is . . . yes. What time is it though? It’s 11 PM. The lady at the counter says I have to wait until 11:40 PM. During the wait Chelsea went back to her place to meet up with another friend Priya. You tell the lady that you have no time because you have to catch a train. No problems, you’ll come back again. It’s time to head back to Chelsea’s apartment.
You get there and see Priya. The both of them are laughing and having a good time. Get in on that conversation. It feels like you haven’t laughed in years. This is great. The feeling of just being back in your element is refreshing. It’s getting late though. The walk back to Chelsea’s killed time and it’s close to 11:30 PM. You have a train to catch buddy. The group splits. Chelsea is going to her boyfriend’s. Priya is going to a bar and you and Dan Fig have to see what time the train comes in. Time isn’t against you. Just be there before 2 AM.
It’s back to you and Dan Fig. It’s time to vent. Vent all you want. This week still doesn’t feel real. It still feels like a fucking dream. And even now as you’re typing this, concluding this week, you still feel like you’re asleep. The night is drawing to a close. The girl hasn’t responded to your texts or returned your phone calls. Whatever, you think that it’s not even worth it anymore. She may be done with you, she may not. Just get out of New York City. You’ve been there long enough.
The train back to New Brunswick is a long one. You didn’t do much in the city, but mentally you are exhausted. Replenish yourself when you get back. Let the cold air mixed with cigarettes and cheap perfume consume your lungs. You’re re-energized. You can live again. The night is drawing to a close. There are people out but no one you know. Dan Fig has shit to take care of in the morning and you still have nothing to do. You do though need to get back on the right foot. Get some work done. Keep busy to get things off your mind. She hasn’t called you. “She is done with me”, you think. Go to bed.
Wake up. Your roommate walks in. Stay asleep. Wake up. Put on some clothes and get some food. Dan Fig and you go to the dining hall. Eat your fill and then meet up with a sick Dan Moore. Lounge around for a bit while the three of you talk about what might be going on tonight. It’s time to head out though. You might be going to your aunt’s. Dan Fig needs to go to Princeton and Dan Moore is still sick. Walk back to your dorm. You’re getting closer. Watch some television. Rub one out. Play tetris. Who cares? Your dorm room is within reach.
Ring, ring. Who could that be? It’s her. “Hello?”
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